Be your best. Clean your mess. Please just follow these requests. This is a gym of luxury, let’s keep it better than the rest. Rack your weights. Wipe your bench. Please protect us from your stench. Try our towels – eucalyptus. Close the fridge, but please don’t kick it. Keep it clean. Don’t be mean. That’s not the point of that machine. Don’t use your phone where people get undressed. Go on, enjoy our venue, but please, don’t forget to be your best. Clean your mess. Be your best! There’s a line, get off your phone. Don’t bring your speaker. We have our own. You sing aloud to a made up crowd, but rest assured, you’re not alone. You work hard, and it’s clear – every minute you check the mirror. Benched 150 – it’s impressive. But the grunting? Bit excessive. Don’t throw weights. Don’t crash plates. Don’t be the guy that we all hate. How freakin’ long do you need to rest?!?! Come on, and move your ass. Sorry to be so crass, but be your best. If you’re a mess, it’s Planet Fitness we suggest. Be your best. Clean your mess. Be your best! Gyms are so unnerving, when the pervs go a-perving. They do curls near the girls they prey upon. Ahhh, those good old days when creeps were subtle. Suddenly, those good old days are gone. Hours they’ve been lusting, over girls who do their thrusting. Ruining exercise with awkward social skills. 10 times out of 10, they’re unsuccessful. Frumpy, foul and flagrant – You walk in, and rooms go vacant. Don’t be rude. Don’t steam nude. Flush the toilet once you’ve pooed. We’re aware you’re hairy there, but, oh dear lord, don’t be that dude. Clear the floor. Close the door. We think it’s clear what that bin’s for. And if you’re in the steam room steamin’ keep your hands where we can see ’em. Add a shirt. Lose the chalk. When I deadlift, please don’t spot. Clean it up, we want this place to look it’s best. There’s not a lot to do. It takes a second or two to clean your mess. Clean your mess! Be your best. Be your best! Wipe your bikes. Wipe your mats. If they’re sick, don’t bring your brats. It’s so great to see classmates, but once class starts, stop your chats. Nice neat rows. Nice tall stacks. Get it out, then put it back. This may come as quite a shocker, but our locker room has lockers! Plate by plate. Weight by weight. ‘Til you shout, “this place looks great!” Then the cleaning crew won’t be depressed. Later, you’ll chug your protein, but for now let’s go clean. Clean your mess! Be your best! Clean your mess! Please, be your best! Son of a… You’re all cleaning that up!