Casually Explained: Lifting


lifting isn’t just a hobby it’s a journey and that journey often begins with feelings of inadequacy and ends with feelings of inadequacy but now you can’t wear jeans and you sink in pools frankly a lot of guys think they’re going to be more attractive to women but it turns out the only people you end up impressing our other bros who also enjoy looking at half naked guys on bodybuilding.com nevertheless if you want to get started it’s important to start off right and I’m going to tell you the three steps to success so the first step is obviously to make an Instagram account now the second step is your actual routine but before you make one you need to be aware of the standard rep range guidelines for different goals if you’re going for strengthen size update reps per set if you’re going for mostly size eight to twelve reps per set and for endurance go for 14 or more reps per set now you might be wondering what about 13 reps per set and this is really the holy grail of lifting and what we call the tone zone be careful though because one time my sister MS counted her reps and accidentally became a five-time mr. Olympia champion and Governor of California thankfully she did fifteen minutes on the elliptical and it’s back to normal now but anyway another important thing is to constantly expose your muscles to new stimulus which is called muscle confusion for example legendary bodybuilder Dorian Yates used to confuse its muscles by altering rep and weight schemes whereas I personally prefer murder mysteries but whatever works for you so now that you’ve got a better idea of how to structure your routine you need to get all the other stuff right – I did two cycles of starting strength and now that I’m an expert I’d say you definitely need the following if you want to be a power lifter the first thing is some chalk you should put some of this on your hands to help your grip but put most of on the gym floor and surrounding equipment some weight lifting shoes these are great for making you taller a weightlifting belt this is how people can tell you’re a power lifter not just a regular fat guy lastly never talk to anyone and make sure to always wear a loose hoodie to hide your power level okay but let’s say you want to be a bodybuilder so here are some of my pieces of anecdotal advice that I just made up make sure to wear a stringer or the tightest tank top you can find the goal here is having the edge of the fabric oscillate back and forth over your nipples you do each rep is a great way to naturally increase testosterone production a shaker cup with your favorite branched chain amino acids I don’t know what they are but the more fluorescent the color the stronger the superpowers you’ll get and lastly video camera to record your motivational vlogs and I also make sure to have a grapefruit on hand just in case so the third and final step is proper nutrition and all food is made of three primary macronutrients which are protein anyway the most important thing is getting sufficient protein and there’s a lot of debate over exactly how much you need but I like to play it safe and go for one chicken breast per pound of body weight now if you’re finding it difficult to eat that much it might be easier to make a protein shake that you can drink instead I usually go for two cups of whole milk two scoops of whey protein one and a half bananas and a picture of Steve cook now the real key here is nutrient timing to maximize muscle growth which means it’s essential to hit the 35 nano second anabolic timing window that occurs immediately after training now you might not be able to drink your whole shake in this time so I recommend taking whatever you need and going to the bathroom to get steep I mean the protein inside you as fast as possible and that’s all there is to it now get out there and start your own supplement company I’m gonna call mine cloud fitness because that’s my goal physique and for a quick note on that no matter how long you lift you’ll never actually look how you want to a lot of people start lifting to get back an X after breakup or look good on the beach but sooner or later they all realize that those things don’t matter and their only real shortcoming is still being able to fit through doorways man this guy’s jacked Betty is a huge dick no homo though

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