EVERY GYM EVER


[Shayne]: *grunting* [Shayne]: Ah! Yes! [Keith]: AAHH [Keith]: Man! Ugh! You wanna wipe down your equipment next time? [Shayne]: What’chu say? [Keith]: Nothing.. [stammering] Nuh uh. [Shayne]: You say something? // [Keith]: Mm mn mn. [Narrator]: Every Gym Ever. [Noah] Where are my clothes?! [Noah]: Did I forget my clothes?! [Man]: Join the club. We can’t find our clothes either. [Second Man]: Please. Help us! [Third Man]: I wanna see my family again. [Narrator]: Every Gym Ever. *alarm rings* [thud] [Courtney]: *claps* LET’S DO THIS *alarm rings* [thud] [Courtney]: F*ck it. I’LL JUST BE FAT [Narrator]: Do you even lift? [Shayne]: Need a spot, bro? [Noah]: I’m good. [Shayne]: You sure? [Noah]: Yeah. Positive. [Shayne]: Alright. [Noah]: *grunting* [Noah]: Buh! [Noah]: *straining* Little help? [Shayne]: NOBODY HELP HIM! HE’S GOT THIS [Shayne]: You got this, bro. [Shayne]: You got this. Push! [Noah]: *straining* Help.. // [Shayne]: Use your core! [Narrator] You don’t have a VIP membership? [Olivia]: *mouthing words* [Keith]: Hey. Wassup? [Olivia]: *continues mouthing words* [Keith]: Ayy. What’s up? [Olivia]: *motions hands furiously* [Keith]: OH MY GOD [Keith]: What do you want?! [Olivia]: Your fly is open and your wiener is hanging out. [Keith]: *gasps* [Narrator]: This elliptical is broken. [Holly]: Hey, Sasha. [Sasha]: Hey Holly! [Holly]: Uh.. what’s the deal? I thought we were working out together. [Sasha]: We are! I’m au naturale. [Sasha]: I’m on the Paleo diet and I’ve been running five miles a day with no shoes on. [Holly]: Um. And you’re in a tree because..? [Sasha]: I’m working out the way our monkey ancestors did! Climbing trees! [Sasha]: Oh! Sasha: AAH AAH AUGHH [thud] [Holly]: OH MY GOD [Holly]: *gasps* [Sasha]: *gasping* See? I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow. [Sasha]: Your turn! [Holly]: Uh– Nope! I gotta go. Bye! [Narrator]: Yo. Can you help me with this squat? [beeping from equipment] [Shayne]: *gasps slightly* [Keith]: Aw hell no! [Keith]: You lookin’ at me?! [Keith]: Pervert! [Narrator]: Every Gym Ever. [Olivia]: *heavy breathing* What do we got?! [Group]: SOUL [Noah]: CREDIT CARDS DEBT [Olivia]: What do we need?! [Group]: MORE POWER [Noah]: TO SPEND MORE WISELY [Olivia]: HOW DO WE GET IT [Group]: SOUL CYCLE [Noah]: BY QUITTING THIS GYM [Noah]: *gasping* [Olivia]: YEAHHH [Narrator]: Look at my washboard abs. [John John]: *claps* Welcome to Crossfit. My name is John John. [John John]: I’m here to kill your fat. [John John]: Okay you! Take this tire, move it to the corner! [John John]: You! Take this broom, start sweeping! [John John]: Alright! Work those shoulders! [John John]: You. Do my taxes! [John John]: You. Call my mom and hear her complain about Bingo. [John John]: Let’s move it, people! Move it! *clapping* [Narrator]: Every Gym Ever. [Olivia]: *grunting* [Olivia]: Daah! [Olivia]: *sighs* Whoo! [Olivia]: Wow! What a workout. *chuckles* [Olivia]: That was great. [Narrator]: Every Gym Ever. Yo! What’s up guys! Thanks for watching us get sweaty and funny together! Click the left box for bloopers and deleted scenes. In the right box, watch “Every New Year Ever.”

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