Ozzy Man Reviews: Gym Fails


OK, I’ll be clear from the beginning that I do not wish to shame people for going to the gym. My intention is to learn from these videos, because I need to start going. What we are witnessing here is that warming up is very important. I have some self-taught Kung Fu skills too, so I could do this one. Aw now he’s straight into it. You can’t spend the whole day warming up, can ya? Sooner or later ya have to pump the iron and pump it, fucken, hard. This looks like a great workout. You do need to know your limits at the gym. Of course ya wanna push the limits, we all do, but without the limits you can end up crushed, squashed, stretched, and panicking. If you go too hard, too soon, the equipment will punish you for it. I personally do like to avoid going arse over tits. Even though this fella seems pretty happy about it. I would argue working out is similar to love, only fools rush in. Perhaps observe the people around you first, see what they do right, what they do wrong. Or maybe there’s no right or wrong. You just be yourself. Don’t be yourself too much, not many people wanna see that, but yeah nah nah yeah be yourself. Don’t laugh at your friends. When you see them working hard and you laugh at them, you’ll shatter their confidence, so do not laugh. (- Farting under the pressure)
(- Lol) Remember to have fun. If you wanna be Spider-Man, then bloody well fucken practice being Spider-Man. He’s a popular hero and it’s more expensive trying to be Iron Man. Yeah, just pretend the gym equipment is a building and you can climb it. If anyone says “er you’re not using the machine properly”, tell ‘em to “get fucked.” They’re probably jealous because you’re a very good Spider-Man. And who knows? The original fitness routines you invent could turn out to be revolutionary. Everything looks stupid as fuck the first time it’s done, but then it catches on and everyone starts doing it. Sometimes. Maybe. Or not. As long as you get the blood pumping in the heart, that’s all that matters, that’s mostly all that matters really. I like the look of this routine. This seems like one that could help millions of wankers get very sexy beach bodies. Fit people always say there’s no shortcuts to losing weight. This looks like a shortcut to me. I don’t think I could do this one. I’m gonna call it now, I’m gonna cross this off. I also just don’t like the idea of being able to smell my own arsehole. It’s not appealing. Nah. Nah. This is my jam. I need to watch elliptical videos. This is like one of those little rides at the shopping center. You put 2 dollars in, you go round and round. It’s fun. Yeah this is inspirational. I would like to get to the stage where I can bench press women. Maybe not like this guy, but more like the legend Eddie Hall. Slow, steady, composed. The sheilas get to enjoy it. They know they’re in safe hands aaand you put them down nicely. Then everyone fucks off to the pub for a beer. Stay away from these bouncy balls. It never ends well. I have never seen a video where they make anyone healthy. Yep, I dunno, maybe this dog has got it right, just being at the gym is enough. You don’t need to get all sweaty and tired, being in that environment alone, makes you feel good. The most difficult part is showing up, so if you can do that you’re gonna be fucken golden I reckon.

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